A Commuter’s Dictionary – ‘On The Train’

The English language is very versatile but many words never even make it into the spoken lexicon despite describing some of the sights we see day in day out. Well, all of that is about to change as we begin an occasional series aimed at enlightening you into a few terms that you may find useful in everyday use.

Today, we look at the topic of ‘On The Train’

Avoiding eye contact with the person who occupies the same position opposite you on board public transport each day and could be a future lover.

The line of back-arching commuters whose spines fit into the curved shape of many train doors in order to be the last ones who make it aboard an overcrowded service.

The insistence on reading a broadsheet newspaper aboard said overcrowded service.

The art of dodging ground-based urine whilst using on-board facilities.

The teenage gang doing pull ups on the luggage rack.

The youth who falls and injures himself undertaking said feat.

The ingestion of entire fruits including pips and cores to avoid the trip to a litter bin.

Fat controller
A train conductor who insists on making public address system japes on all topics including lateness and the train turning a sleeping hobo into mincemeat.

Being able to Shazam the music emanating from a particularly leaky set of £400 headphones.

Starfleet commando
The person commandeering an entire table with upwards of six gadgets under the pretence of doing work of a higher importance than anyone else.

The sneer given to anyone eating a pasty or burger on a train during commuting hours. See also: Cheese Doritos.

Those carrying suspiciously large items of luggage aboard a train.

The uncertainty over whether to give up one’s seat to an apparently pregnant bystander who may just have ingested one too many items from Greggs.

The gentle shimmy away from a snoring stranger as their head lolls towards a resting place upon your shoulder.

I hope you find these useful as we guide you through the perils of your day to day life. You’re welcome.

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