I am getting rather annoyed by the abundance of fruit at the moment. There is a diet going on everywhere around me and all it seems to consist of is dead, rotting apple cores, leaky banana skins and smelly orange peel everywhere.

I never have been one for fruit, I have an innate distrust of things that grow on trees where flies and bumblebees can eat them. Don’t get me wrong, I eat my greens, but vegetables are a whole different kettle of, er, fish. You (usually) cook a vegetable. A lot of them grow underground where it is safer.

So why do people have to chomp on fruit? I mean, imagine if I started chowing down on a cauliflower at my desk. I would get sectioned. No, fruit is the devil’s work.

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