Great British Icons – Part One

Following the death a couple of days ago of the great Keith Floyd, I began to realise that we no longer mourn the passing of icons, we mourn the death of institutions. Of legends. Of eccentrics. Of the heart and soul of Britain.

Floyd was an utterly maniacal genius. He was years ahead of his time. From his humble beginnings in Somerset and Bristol, he got one of his first gigs peeling potatoes – his first “cooking” job. But he showed drive and determination to get to where he wanted to be – in front of the camera.

But why does he still get vilified even after his death? Because today’s politically correct society cannot see past the alcohol. And the smoking. And the swearing. And the womanizing. And the flippant attitude to money.

Yes, he was obnoxious, but that’s because he knew how to push people’s buttons. Yes he was offensive, but that was what his appeal was all about. No-one else could set up a field kitchen in an Italian square, despite local protestations and then proceed to rustle up an amazing risotto, even complaining along the way that the locals were making too much noise. Even when local Asian fishermen tried to charge him for cooking on a local quay he carried on regardless with his trademark bottle of wine to hand, barking orders at his cameraman who was probably fearing for his safety. Why did Floyd act like this? Because he could. Empirical attitude or not, he honestly just wanted to do the best that he could with the gifts that were given to him. He was the first of the TV chefs. And possibly still the best.

Sadly, more and more of these great British icons are disappearing from this Earth and in their place is a vacuum of personality and entertainment. Gone are the risk takers. The eccentrics. The old soaks. Why? Who knows. Even when celebrities do self destruct these days, they do it with so little charm that it becomes unsurprising, almost as if it is all an act, just to get the publicity. Look at Kerry Katona’s This Morning slurring. Jack Tweed’s (alleged) rape. Peter Andre and Jordan’s oh so public marriage and inevitable split. These are not world-weary travellers. These are not experienced hell-raisers. These are kids who got a lucky break and threw it back in the face of those who gave it to them.

It makes me sound and indeed feel old, but I can’t help but think back to a sadly bygone age. To those who gave so much to the world but who sadly get so little recognition for the great things they truly achieved.

So, New Blog?

It’s been a while but I feel I should be blogging again. The laptop has been fired up. Twitter doesn’t give me enough space to bang on about stuff, so here we go again.

Today – taxes on banks. Why does this country consistently punish success? Banks are businesses, not charities. Admittedly, SOME banks go about things in the wrong way but the Government decided rightly or wrongly to bail them out. Now, good old FSA bod Lord Turner has suggested it would be a great wheeze to tax transactions between banks to reduce bonuses. Hang on, bonuses are contractual generally. People choose jobs based on performance related pay as well as the love of the game. We are all here to earn money at the end of the day, so what are these people being punished for? For being successful.

It seems that we can no longer celebrate any form of British success. Instead we pretend the Empire never existed and Capitalism is a dirty word.

Well, thank you, you utter utter clowns for making this once-great country even more of a poorer nation in the rest of the world’s eyes.

This Is England

If an alien visited planet Earth today and took a snapshot on his space-Nokia of this once great country, he would probably send it back to the mothership with “Danger – keep off” attached. Where once this rich and powerful nation could tell the world what to do, through abysmal government and a growing population-wide “don’t care” attitude, England has become an absolute joke.

Buses, roads and trains are awash with litter and dirt – this isn’t because of a lack of cleaners working for public transport companies, this is because the adult general public are no better than vermin at the best of times. They have a holier than thou attitude that someone will always clear up their mess for them. WRONG. They should be taking responsibility for their actions. Is it really that hard to take your free paper with you where you can chuck it in a recycling bin? Could you not take your apple core with you rather than lobbing it from your car window, claiming it is biodegradable so it doesn’t matter? Can you not hang onto your bus ticket for a few more minutes rather than just littering the floor with it?

Being able to drive is no longer a respected privilege, people simply think it is a God-given right. The standard of driving in this country becomes worse and worse by the day, and the roads on a Friday when everyone is rushing to get home whilst simultaneously hollering down their mobiles to arrange their weekend social life are a deathtrap at best.

Footballers are prima donnas. Rugby players are rapists. Cricketers are alcoholics. Athletes are drug addicts.

Tourists are getting stabbed to death and torched. Kids are being shot and stabbed on the streets daily. What does the government do? Create ridiculous laws saying that you can pick someone for a job because they are female – hang on, if I am recruiting, I will pick someone based on (and here’s the clever bit) THEIR ABILITY TO DO THE JOB. I wouldn’t care if they were male, female, pink, blue, red or green, if they can do a job they are all just human beings at the end of the day.

The police do a fantastic job in fighting all sorts of crime committed by all sorts of people. They have to deal with all sorts of scum, putting their lives on the line day in, day out and they should be treated with respect. But when these criminals go to court, the Crown Prosecution Service ridicule the police’s job time and time again, dishing out pathetic sentences because the government cannot afford to keep that many people in jail. Even if people do go to prison, it isn’t a form of punishment, it’s a summer camp where good behaviour is rewarded with Sky Plus and a shiny new car. To me, good behaviour in prison should be rewarded with slightly less of a daily thrashing. Nothing more, nothing less. No wonder people re-offend, the threat of prison is so pathetic there is nothing putting these people off.

Then of course we look at the media. Vilifying fat and thin celebrities. Criticising the very government that they were partly responsible for bringing to power. Scaring people with stories about the so-called credit crunch, so that they are so scared to spend that they make matters even worse.

Papers even criticise TV for being full of violence and unsuitable content, then the papers themselves make their money by publishing pictures of war, crime and sex. This blame culture is pathetic. Even Noel Gallagher is blaming video games for the rise of crime amongst teenagers – it comes to something when even the token controversial rock star of the day is entirely out of touch with reality.

The great English summer no longer exists – ruined by persistent rain and yobs at Wimbledon shouting out and cheering double faults. You cannot get a pint for less than £3. You cannot go to the corner shop for a paper because it’s either been demolished or boarded up and daubed with graffiti. Post Offices are being closed down, the high street is dead and nobody cares.

Where did it all go wrong? Just because those who fought for this country’s freedom are mostly no longer with us, does not mean we should forget what they did and why they did it. Those brave souls who gave their lives for this country are essentially having their memories urinated on by those who would rather spit on the pavement than help a blind person across the road.

This is England – and frankly it’s embarrassing.

Advertising – Not Fair

In recent years we have seen the banning of tobacco advertising, junk food ads condemned to late night TV like some dirty old man and the constant refunding of contractual bank charges. All of which is why I have been astounded to read a case of Jessops, the camera people, falsely advertising a product via pay per click marketing on Google and thus far failing to honour the deal.

The case in point can be seen right here on WordPress and also over here on Money Saving Expert and involves Jessops advertising a Panasonic TZ5 camera for £229.99. The normal RRP for this camera is £299, so quite rightly, the chap who spotted the ad contacted Jessops in order to buy the camera (the clickthrough from the advert said the product was still £299).

 Of course Jessops claimed that they had no control over the advert etc etc etc and could not offer the product at that price. It just amazes me that in today’s “not fair” culture, they can simply refuse to do so and that there is seemingly little comeback on them from a regulatory body for doing so.

Imagine if a young single mum with 14 children saw an ad outside McDonalds that said “feed your family for £1.50.” Said mum then goes into the eating establishment only to be told that in reality, a Mcfamily feast costs £150. Would The Sun not have a field day with such a tale and force McDonalds into an apology and some form of compensation.

I have also been surprised by the reaction on the so-called “Consumer Revenge” website Money Saving Expert. Over there, people constantly scratch around for loopholes which exploit big companies but on this occasion many simply say “tough luck, you have no chance of getting anything.”

Double standards throughout!

NB – A quick update, it seems that Jessops are paying attention to what is happening in this case, as they have contacted the customer in question and promised they are looking into it. Still no word on an outcome but goes to show the power of the consumer is not dead!

“Not Fair” News – The Gambler, The Squatter and the Protesters

It seems that this once glorious nation of ours has been rather inundated with utterly ridiculous “not fair” news this week.

First we have the obsessive gambler who is suing William Hill for £2 million because he blames them for not stopping his addiction. The fact of the matter is, he was a very rich man but couldn’t help being greedy and wanting more. He asked William Hill to close his account which they did. He then proceeded to open a new one with them, all of his own accord. How on Earth can William Hill be responsible for that?

 Lets clear this up – gambling is NOT an illness. Neither is drug addiction or alcoholism. All of these things are brought about through a lack of will power, and a lack of self respect. Why give people help to stop damaging themselves? It is a complete waste of money. Let them simply use their will power. If they step out of line and act illegally, arrest them and imprison them. Spend taxpayers money on something more worthwhile.

Next up is the non-paying mortgagee who decided to not pay anything on his mortgage for 15 years. The courts have ruled that because his Bank took so long to do anything about the arrears, he can now claim squatters rights and the house is now his. For God’s sake, can nothing be done to stop these idiots getting away with murder? I wish that I could obtain a £200,000 house for nothing but unfortunately it is people like myself who toe the line who get the wrong end of the deal.

 Yet another bit of ridiculousness is happening down in the South West where the “Bristol No Borders” group of idiots are protesting at dawn deportation raids. Let us get this straight – these raids are removing people from this country who are living here illegally. Personally I do not care how humane or inhumane these raids are that remove them from these shores as they are costing me and my fellow tax payer a huge amount so that they can live somewhere for free. I have to pay my way. Why should they not do the same?

 Lastly, I cannot believe that one of the killers of Peter Newlove is thinking about appealing his sentence as life with a recommended minimum of 17 years imprisonment is apparently not fair for killing someone? He is right, he should have been shot instead. Much fairer to the family of the deceased to never see this disgusting runts’ face ever again. Mr Newlove’s widow sums it up perfectly by saying: “I am not surprised. He knows how to play the system, he has no respect and will just try whatever and I hope to God they don’t give him leave to appeal, because this is just disgraceful. How many times are they going to give this lad [a chance] – he was out on bail, the charges he had were assault, harassment, these weren’t little shoplifting charges.”

 When will the government act to right all these wrongs and put some money behind tackling those who “play the system” in order that they get an easy life? Let’s hope it is sooner rather than later or the once Great Britain will soon become a much poorer relation.

The Magic of the FA Cup

So, after national cliche weekend, 16 clubs remain in the FA Cup. But how many people are sick of hearing about the supposed “magic” of “the world’s greatest club competition?” We had Les and Lee on Match of the Day banging on about “minnows” “major cup shocks” – the works. But what really happened?

Both the Beeb and Sky cocked it all up. Yes, for all their focus on the minnows of Havant & Waterlooville vs. “The Most Successful Club in England, Ever(TM)” Liverpool which matches did they pick to show live? The all Prem borefests of Man Utd v Tottenham and  Wigan v Chelsea plus perennial underachievers Middlesbrough v the mighty Stags of Mansfield. Oh and the balloon-pitched Sheff Utd v Man City match was over on Sky.

So come on telly companies, admit that you don’t give two hoots about showing a real “magical” cup match and that you would rather go for the predictable cash-ins. Hypocrites!

Fruit

I am getting rather annoyed by the abundance of fruit at the moment. There is a diet going on everywhere around me and all it seems to consist of is dead, rotting apple cores, leaky banana skins and smelly orange peel everywhere.

I never have been one for fruit, I have an innate distrust of things that grow on trees where flies and bumblebees can eat them. Don’t get me wrong, I eat my greens, but vegetables are a whole different kettle of, er, fish. You (usually) cook a vegetable. A lot of them grow underground where it is safer.

So why do people have to chomp on fruit? I mean, imagine if I started chowing down on a cauliflower at my desk. I would get sectioned. No, fruit is the devil’s work.

Free Paper Littering

Okay, we’re off again. Why oh why do people think it is big and indeed clever to leave their free commuter rag on the train seat when they get up? Do they really think that another five people will come along and say “oooh I was desperate for the Metro today, thank golly gosh someone has left me a copy!” NO.

It is more likely that chavs will rip it up and chuck it around the train. Or that the poorly paid cleaners will have a sh1t load of work to do at the end of the day tidying up after you idiots.

It is no better than littering so sort it out please.

Weddings

Oh I’m so stressed about organising my wedding.” If it is so stressful, don’t get f**king married!

Bank Charges

So today is the day – the bank charges test case begins. I do not understand this for many reasons and this will be the first of many “not fair news” stories I write about as they often get my goat.

To clarify – UK banks allegedly apply “unfair” charges on customers when customers borrow via unauthorised lending. The Office of Fair Trading is trying to get Banks to charge less and refund customers, some of which have already successfully been refunded.

“These fees can amount to more than £30 for going into the red or having a cheque bounced and in some cases customers have been refunded thousands of pounds each.” says the BBC website.

My issue however is this – these charges are laid out in Terms & Conditions when you take out the account. If you don’t like them, don’t take out the account!

I wouldn’t take out a mortgage then complain when I wanted to repay early that I incurred a charge as the early repayment charge would be clearly set out in the Terms & Conditions.

This is a test case simply highlighting how lazy our society has become where people do not bother to read smallprint. The test case will also look at whether Terms & Conditions are written in plain enough English. Surely though if people are struggling to understand them, they could go and ask their bank? Again, it is not rocket science.

The case also shows that our society is obsessed with getting something for nothing just by claiming “it’s not fair.”

Also, this case will probably mean that people like myself who actually bother to manage their money and so do not get bank charges, will have to start paying for the privilege of having a bog standard current account.

Overall – a big old farce.